It was good exposure for a young fella. As a seventeen and a half year old child I thought it was amazing.
I saw four detonations at Grapple. When a bomb went off, you saw this mushroom building above you, and all the colours in it. Oh yes…the colours. I thought it was marvellous…just beautiful!
First of all there was this flash, and even though you were facing the other way, and had masks and goggles so everything was covered, you could still see the bones of your hands.
The hydrogen bombs were many times the size of the bomb that went off at Hiroshima.
I had PTSD from Grapple, and everything about it. Widespread pain, insomnia and depression and it used to affect me at work. Everything from those bomb tests used to come back to me like a panic attack. I ended up doing 16 sessions with a psychologist to help me deal with it. The final assessment was that you need space to process it.
My grandson died at 24. He had testicular cancer and bone cancer which I felt was my fault, because of my genes.
My daughter chose not to have children and I know some of the veterans had children that made those same decisions.
Roy Sefton and myself along with our wives set up the NZNTVA (NZ Nuclear Test Veterans Association). The NZNTVA achieved getting pensions for the Grapple Nuclear Test Veterans but we would love to get full recognition of our service up there. There has been a lot of wrong information unfortunately.